Some Words of Advice: 4 years later

If you’re considering adopting a child/children, this blog is for you. Today just so happens to be the 4 Year Anniversary of when we adopted a sibling group or 5 children from Brazil. Wow! 4 Years... a lot has happened since then. Good and bad. There have been things that have been amazing as well as things that have been extremely difficult. Some things that have given us the feeling of accomplishment and others that have made us wonder if it’s even been worth it. Would I change anything though? No.
But before I go any furher, let me just say that, “I’ve been sitting on this particular blog for several months now and was kinda hesitant to even post it. I didn’t want anyone to be offended or to make anyone think that I was “un-spiritual” or something. But today I really felt like it was time. So, here it goes...

***WARNING***- if you think that once you adopt everything is going to be rainbows, sunshine, puppy dogs and gumdrops, and that the child/children you’re adopting will probably have these little hidden angel wings under their shirt because they’re gonna be perfect... just stop reading right now, turn back over, close your eyes and keep dreaming. It’s not gonna happen... sorry. It could possibly be different with newborns but with children who are older, you’ve got to expect that there’s gonna be some baggage. Just think of all the baggage you and I have and we weren’t even orphaned: )

OK. I’m gonna try and say this as gently as possible without sounding too negative. I can remember reading some blogs when we were going through the adoption process that were soooo negative. They were full of horror stories of things that were happening in these adoptive families that were kinda freaking us out a little and we had to stop reading them. This isn’t that type of blog and I don’t want to freak anyone out but I do want to be real with you. Are you ready? OK... here we go.
If you’re thinking about adopting (a sibling group or a single child) ... pray! And I don’t mean pray a little, pray a lot! Make sure that you’re hearing from God before you do it. (and If you’re not a christian I don’t even know what advice to give you... because without God’s strength/guidance, etc. we couldn’t make it!”) Because your life is going to change (I know that’s stating the obvious) and it’s not in the way you think either. So, if you’re not sure that you’re hearing from God then don’t pull the trigger and adopt until you do. Now let me give this disclaimer... if you’ve been known to procrastinate and you can’t ever make a decision, this doesn’t really apply to you because you’ll probably find an excuse not to adopt anyway. But for those of you who know the voice of God and the leading of the Spirit, I’m speaking to you. Because as nice as it sounds to rescue a child or a group of children (from a life on the streets or from a foster home or an orphanage) it’s not easy, it’s tough and you need to be prepared for the work it’s gonna take to be the godly parent you were called to be. It’s been 4 years since we adopted and we’re still having “issues” and some of them (the issues, that is) have just started kicking-in.
The reason I say, “pray a lot before you adopt” is because on some days that will be the only thing that gets you through... knowing that you heard from God to adopt in the first place. Seriously, it is. And it’s the single thing that allows us to maintain our sanity. A lot of the time we struggle and doubt that what we’ve done is even worth it. When the children/or child you adopt destroys pretty much every earthly possession you have, they lie to you, they steal from you, you find out (years later) about all the issues they have and they’re not appreciative of the sacrifice that you made to adopt them... when all that hits you square in the face, you’ve got to be able to rely on the fact that “you heard from God”, period. End of story. Some days it won’t even make sense to you (where your life is because of your adopted child/children) because there are gonna be days when you don’t even like them or where your life is because of them. I didn’t say, “you wouldn’t love them” I said, “you wouldn’t like them.” But you can always fall back on the fact that you were obedient to God and He knew you would be walking through the junk you’re walking through. And when you get to that point, just keep walking, because it’s just part of following Jesus. And whether you feel like it or not, “you ARE making a difference in that child/children’s life.” I know that sounds harsh and there’s somebody out there probably saying, “that’s not the case with my adopted child because they haven’t been any problem at all.” If that’s you then praise God... you’re the exception to the rule. But that’s the problem. The only people (for the most part) who are speaking about their lives after adoption are the ones who’s lives are either perfect or the ones who aren’t being honest. Nobody wants to talk (publicly) about how tough it is because they feel like they’re not doing a good job parenting because their child DOES have issues, so they just keep it to themselves and never reach out for help. But we’ve got to change that by being honest about what it’s like so people will know it’s OK that everything’s not OK. We’ve spoken to so many parents of adopted children and 99% of them have some type of issues that they’re navigating through. So, expect it. And know that you're not alone.

Anyway, if you’re planning on adopting you need to pray a lot beforehand (You probably won’t find that in any adoption brochure... I’m pretty sure of that) because chances are that at some point you’re gonna doubt what you’ve done is even worth it. And to know that God asked you to do it could be the thing that helps you keep going. Or you may have already adopted and you’re really struggling right now... if that’s you, keep pressing-in harder to God. He’s got the strength you need to make it through and He knew that you had what it was going to take to be the parent for that child... don’t doubt that. And if nobody’s said this to you lately, “thank you for undertaking one of the hardest/selfless things anyone could ever do (adopt a child).” You’re amazing: )

But even if you’re not adopting but you’re struggling with finishing your course and what God has asked you to do, this principle will still work. If what you’re doing is in direct response to something God asked of you and it’s tough... just keep going and hold on to the fact that He asked you to do it. He knew that it was going to be difficult ahead of time. And He’s a good God who’s not trying to set you up for failure so keep going... keep following Him. You’re gonna make it, for real: )

Celebrating 4 Years,
Jim and MJ

PS- I love all my kids (biological and adopted) and I wouldn’t trade any of them... unless of course you have one who does have little angel wings and never does anything wrong. Then call me. We’ll talk.

PSS- The pics up top are ones that we received from the orphanage when we were adopting. The older family picture is our first day that we actually met them in the orphanage. The older family picture is one that we had made last year before we moved here to Brazil and the rest are some more recent pictures of the kids now: )