Riding The Rails

I heard someone say that “life isn’t a series of mountaintop and valley experiences (ups and downs like a roller coaster) as much as it was like riding on a train track.” The point was that, rather than either having highs and lows, it (life) was more like riding on the rails of a train- good and bad paralleling or happening all at the same time. When I heard it I really didn’t see it. But as the years have passed and I remembered that quote I definitely see it now. We are seeing God do more in and through us now, than any other time in our 15+ years of ministry. There are amazing things happening here in Brazil that only God can take credit for. But, at the same time, there are difficulties happening in our life that are harder than anything we’ve experienced before.

Now, I’m very hesitant to even say what I’m about to say because it’s very personal. But I think that by being open and transparent, people can not only relate but can be encouraged because of it. Because that’s the problem with a lot of people in ministry. They put on this facade that makes everyone think that they have a perfect life with no problems. And what that does is make everyone else think that because their life is jacked-up, that they must be doing something wrong and that they’re not spiritual enough. And that’s not good. Because all of us have problems and all of us have issues in our lives. And no matter how much you plan and how much you pray and study God’s word, problems are gonna come. So, having said, that... here we go.

OK. Here we are on the mission field following Jesus and serving Him to the best of our ability. God is doing some amazing things that astound us almost daily. The ministry is growing and we’re seeing people being impacted by the Gospel. That’s the good rail (remember the quote earlier). The bad rail is this... Wednesday night (1 week ago) our oldest adopted son, Marlon, ran away from home. We’ve been having some serious behavioral issues with him over the last 3 years and things have been getting progressively worse. We’ve disciplined and shown mercy all at the same time. We’ve loved him and embraced him in spite of his behavior. We’ve tried to lead him toward Jesus as the solution for all the things that are troubling him. Not in some fanatical hyper-spiritual way where we try to cram Jesus down his throat either. Just in practical ways. Sure we talk about scripture and pray, but our main way of parenting (him and all 8 of our children) is by living-out our own relationship with Jesus and our faith in front of him and loving him despite all of his issues. But in spite of all our efforts he just does what he wants and rebels against all our efforts. I don’t want to say what the issues are (specifically) but believe me, it isn’t good! Now you may or may not think it’s weird that I’m airing my son’s dirty laundry in a blog. And I really thought twice (or 20x’s) about it. But if you know me you know that being real and honest about life is just me, and I really feel like this can help someone, and that’s the only reason I’m doing it. We’ve been a huge advocate for orphan ministry and adoption over the last 5 years (and we still are, duh!). And we’ve talked and counseled with people over the years who have serious issues with their adopted children but feel lonely in the midst of their situation and that feel like failures... and that just isn’t right. For someone whose taken the time, effort, money, emotion and everything else involved in adopting to feel like they’ve failed because of something their adopted child does is heartbreaking and it’s wrong. And that’s the reason why I’m posting this. I can honestly say that we’ve done everything within our power to be the parents that we need to be to all 8 of our children. Are we perfect? Absolutely not. Are we heartbroken because it doesn’t seem like we’ve made a difference in Marlon’s life? Yes. But that’s where we’ve got to guard ourselves from what the enemy wants to do... shut us down! He wants to get us so emotionally wrapped up in the fact that we failed (which we haven’t) and he wants us to be in total despair about the whole situation. He wants us to stop the wheels of progress as we try to impact other orphans and kids that we’re trying to reach as well. But we’re not gonna do it! And if you’re dealing with similar issues, hold your head up and keep moving forward because it’s not your fault.

I’m just like you. I’ve gone through it in my mind over and over. Wondering where I missed it. Did I miss God? Could I have done something different to change everything that’s happened? Honestly, I have no answers and I’m at a loss. But that can’t stop what we’re doing (you or us). As parents, we can only lead our children (biological or adopted) to Jesus. We can’t make them follow Him or even make them do everything we say (even though we think we can). Ultimately, as they get older, the decision is all theirs. So we’re going to keep following Jesus, keep pressing forward, keep loving Marlon, keep doing what God has called us to do here in Brazil and leave the outcome up to God. This is His (God’s) deal anyway, right? And you need to do the same. Because chances are, you’ve got other kids who need you right now and you’ve got to keep doing what you’re suppose to do... be a parent.

And just a quick update on Marlon... he came home yesterday (for the 1st time in a week) and demanded his documents (so he could leave the mountain and go to work somewhere). Of course we said, “no” because he’s only 15. And of course he immediately left very angry as we just stood there wondering what the crap was going on. Then, 45 minutes later, we heard he had been in a motorcycle accident and was knocked unconscious and bleeding somewhere on the mountain, so I went and found him, rushed him to the place on the highway where there’s an ambulance and they took him to the hospital (20 minutes away), where he still remains as I sit here writing this blog. He’s suppose to be released at noon today. So we’ll see what happens next. Exciting , huh? Please pray for Marlon and for us. We really need God to give us wisdom.

The doctor told me last night before I left the hospital that after they did the CAT scan that nothing is wrong with his brain. But the first thing that went through my mind was, “I don’t know... you may want to check again!” : )

Wanting a Mountaintop Rather Than These Rails,

Jim

PS - The picture up top is of Marlon  and the other one is of him getting wheeled away on a gurney into the ambulance. I couldn’t resist getting a picture. I figured he would want it for his scrapbook one day. And that’s what happens when I’m your dad... everything you do ends up documented in a photo or on a blog: )