The Blog I Wish I Didn't Have to Write

OK. Let me say that, “I think it’s vital that I be as honest as possible with you. Because that’s one of the most important things to me. And it’s the one thing that I’ve always tried to be with you (through this blog), honest. It always has been, and it always will be. I don’t think that there’s any reason to ‘flower things over’ if things are tough. And there’s no need to just ignore or deny the fact that we (as fully devoted followers of Jesus) have problems, just so it looks like we have the perfect family with the perfect little life (whatever that is) either. Because even though we’ve got issues doesn’t change the fact that God is still God. He’s still our refuge. And we still trust Him even in the midst of the struggles and uncertainty. 

OK. Here we go...

Back in 08’ we felt like God was asking us to adopt. Even though we already had 3 children and didn’t really want any more children, we did what we thought God was asking us to do... adopt. What started out as us adopting a sibling group of 2 eventually morphed into us adopting a sibling group of 5. Crazy, right? If you want to see the whole story click HERE to go to the blog that explains the whole journey. 

Anyway, before we actually adopted our kids, we had these visions of bringing kids into the family that would be sooooo thankful and sooooo grateful that we had done this for them. We were wrong. 

We also thought that just because we were doing what God had called us to do, that it was going to be an easy task. You know... we were following Jesus and all. We were wrong.

We also thought that giving them (our adopted kids) unconditional love and acceptance would somehow eliminate all the hurt and rejection that they had experienced up until the point that we adopted them. And we thought that somehow they wouldn’t have a ton of issues 4 years down the line (like they did in the beginning). We were wrong.

If you follow us here on the blog, you know that we’ve had some problems with all of our kids but especially with our oldest adopted son, Marlon. If not click HERE to see some of the stuff I’m talking about. But something that you probably don’t know is that he’s been gone again for over a month now. He left home 6+ weeks ago and hasn’t come back. As a matter of fact, if you want to know the truth, we don’t want him back (in his current condition) and we can’t allow him back into the home. We’ve been dealing with major issues in his life for over 4 years now (most of which are criminal) and enough is enough. We can’t allow the rest of the family to be endangered any longer because of him and the things he does. I actually had to sit down and write out a timeline of everything that he’s done (criminally) for the police over the last 4 years and it’s crazy. The things that we’ve had to walk-through with him and the things that the rest of the family has been subjected to, because of him, is stupid! This definitely isn’t what we envisioned when we walked out of the orphanage with him 4 and a half years ago. 

So now what? What do we do when the thing that we know that God asked us to do is bringing us so much hurt, heartache and pain? And why would God lead us to do something that seems like “a major fail?” God asked us to do it and He knew it would turn out this way ahead of time and yet, “He still led us to do it.” Why? I don’t have the answers and you know what? It’s OK. 

We think that we can write the story-line and dictate the ending to every story but we can’t. It’s God’s story and He’s the one that gets to determine how it looks and even how it ends. And not every story is perfect and has a fairytale ending either. And if you think I’m wrong theologically, you’ve obviously never read about (in the Bible and in secular history books) how most of the disciples and early believers lived and how they ended up. Or maybe you’ve never read Hebrews 11 where it talks about the heroes of the faith who were tortured, mocked, flogged, destitute, imprisoned, killed with the sword, stoned, and some were even sawn in two because they had decided to follow after God and His plan for them. What do we do with their stories? Do we think that, “that was then and my life here on the earth will surely be different?” If we do then we’re deceiving ourselves. Now I’m not saying that everything is doom and gloom. I’m not one of those guys. But if we’re truly following after Jesus and doing what He’s asked us to do, surely some things aren’t gonna turn out exactly the way we think. And we’ve got to rest in the fact that He is God and we are not. It’s His story and not ours. He determines the outcome not us. It’s like that for everything and everyone. 

Some people who are sick will be healed when we pray. But some people are going to die. But even so, we still pray in faith for the sick because the bible tells us to (Mark 16:18, James 5:14). 

Some relationships are going to be restored when we try to make them work but some won’t. But even though we can’t control the outcome, we still love and forgive that person because the bible tells us to (Matthew 5:44-45, Matthew 18:21-22, Romans 12:19-21). 

Some kids are going to follow our instructions, but some may rebel, even though we try to point them to Christ. But we still train them in righteousness because the bible tells us to (Ephesians 6:4, Proverbs 22:6). 

We don’t get to write the story. He does because it's His story. He is God and we are not.

The question that we always need to ask is, “did I do everything that the Holy Spirit asked me to do in the situation or did I disobey Him?” If I disobeyed and that’s why things turned out bad and all jacked-up, then I need to repent and do what He tells me to do. But if I obeyed and the outcome was negative and not what I thought it would be (or should be)... then “it is what it is,” and I need to trust Him (God), period. End of story.

So why am I telling you all of this? Because right now we’re hurting. We’re hurting and we’re mad. Hurting because we love Marlon and it breaks our heart to know that he’s chosen to take the path he has. And mad, well... because we love Marlon and our hearts are broken that he’s chosen the path that he’s chosen. And we need you to pray for us. We’ve done what God has asked us to do. And we’ve shown unconditional love in spite of the things he’s done. But we can’t make him follow Jesus or even follow the rules of the house. We can’t make him ‘not be a criminal’ if that’s what he chooses. Our responsibility is to train our children and follow the Holy Spirit’s leading on how to raise our kids. If we do that, then we’ve done what we’re suppose to do. The decision to actually do what we’re leading them to do is all on them. And right now Marlon is choosing to do his own thing. So, please pray for him and for the rest of the family. We really need it.

Still Passionately Following Jesus,

Jim and MJ

PS- we spoke with Brazilian DFACS and they removed him from a house that he was staying at (it was a very dangerous place for a kid to be) and have him in custody and are getting him some help. We'll keep you posted on how he's doing. Thanks for praying: )