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| The skies here in the evenings have been amazing lately. Here's a shot of the skies the other night. |
It’s a NewYear and here’s the first blog of 2013, so let’s do this thing: )
OK. In case you didn’t know, not only does one of MJ’s sisters (Carolyn) live here in Brazil with her husband (Brad) and their 10 kids, but (until March) her oldest sister (Sarah) along with her husband (Steve) and 6 of their 12 children are here as well. Add in Me, MJ and our herd along with my Father-in-law and Mother-in-law... that’s a lot of people when we all get together. And what sticks out the most is how many kids there are. They all range from ages 3 to 16. Any way you look at it, it’s a lot of kids. Well, New Year’s Eve we all got together at Brad and Carolyn’s house for a cookout/end-of-the-year-party. The food was good, the fellowship was relaxing and all the kids got along great (which is a miracle). It was really a very mellow kinda night, which was refreshing.
It got to be around 10:00pm and everyone assembled on the outdoor patio for a time of worship and reflection on 2012 (as a new year approached). All the adults and a most of the teenagers sat in cushioned patio chairs around the perimeter of the patio facing inward, while almost all of the younger kids (except for the ones who were already sitting on their parents laps) sat at 2 picnic tables in the middle of the patio floor. It’s not a real big area (probably 15‘x 20’ at the most) especially when that many people are packed into it: )
The ceremonies kicked-off with all of us singing a few older worship songs (by the way, I think the Bible says to “sing a new song to the Lord” for a reason...1982 called and they want their songs back. lol!) and then Brad made the announcement that we were all gonna take turns and say what we were the most grateful for in 2012. The first thing that came to mind was, “didn’t we just do this for Thanksgiving?” That’s definitely a Thanksgiving tradition for our family. But then, while everyone was deciding who would go first, it made sense to me. 2012 was one of the most difficult years that our family (collectively) has ever had to walk through, so giving thanks to the Lord for bringing us through it was a great idea.
After everyone dodged having to go first, MJ went ahead and volunteered to start. Then it moved counter clockwise (which was good because I was sitting next to her on the left and now I wouldn’t have to go for at least 27 more people!). Everyone had really good things to say as everyone went in turn. Then it got to the point where the 2 tables in the center (which was home to most of the younger kids) started their turn. It got almost all the way through both tables (I think there were only 3 kids left) and all the kids were doing so good. Then it came to Robert (our youngest, he’s 7). It was silent as everyone waited, and waited, and waited. He was embarrassed, you could tell. But it was still very peaceful and serene. Then all of the sudden Diogo (our 10 year old and Robert’s older sibling) said, “go Robert!” That’s when it happened. Robert immediately says in a firm voice (accompanied by a furrowed brow), “shut your mouth Diogo.” Actually he said, “shut your mouf Diogo.” He’s missing a tooth in the front and can’t pronounce his ‘th’ sounds very well. But it didn’t stop there... he then proceeded to say, “and if you don’t shut it-I’ll shut it for you!” And he said it as he jumped-up out of his seat with his fists clinched and his chest all bowed-up as he faced-down his older brother!
It all happened so fast. What was once a very peaceful, joyous and celebratory time (only moments ago) quickly turned into something you’d expect to see in a schoolyard right before a big brawl broke out. As I looked around the patio (everything seemed like it was in slow motion) everyone just sat there silently with their mouths open, shocked at what just occurred. I grabbed Robert as fast as I could and sat him next to me. It was just so surreal. And I know this sounds bad but it was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. Here was one of the smallest kids in the whole family basically threatening to knock out his older brother (in front of a pretty large crowd) if he didn’t shut his mouth. lol!
I know this sounds horrible (because we were all giving thanks to God during this solemn family time), but I thought it was funny, nonetheless. The only problem, was that nobody else found the humor in it- at all! Now don’t get me wrong, we don’t allow our kids to punch each other and we don’t condone threatening to punch each other in the face either (although I do appreciate a little trash talking now and then) but it was just so “out of nowhere.” And because things were going so well all night it just struck me as funny. I almost started laughing out loud but when I saw that nobody else was even smiling, I quickly acted like I was appalled at what had just taken place... you know, being the great spiritual leader and awesome dad that I am : )
But here’s the thing that stuck-out to me the most. In the past, if that would’ve happened, I would’ve been soooo angry and frustrated. Not because my kid did something wrong, no. I would’ve been so angry because he was the only one out of 25 other kids that did something wrong and it embarrassed “me.” Because that’s a reflection on “me.” And nobody else’s kids were acting out so that means that “I” must be a horrible parent compared to everyone else. And “I” must not be doing something right. And “I”... “me”... you get it, right? But here’s where I can see growth in myself as a parent. I love my kids, I’m pointing them to Jesus the best that I can and I’m not perfect either. So I’m not gonna get all bent out of shape when they do something wrong publicly. I just need to discipline them, show them what’s right and love them. That’s my responsibility. My responsibility isn’t to make sure that everyone thinks my kids are perfect and “rep me” well publicly. Because how crazy is that? That’s just prideful. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not gonna put up with my kids acting any way they want publicly and I’m not afraid to spank a few butts (even here in Brazil where it’s frowned upon) when the opportunity arises. But I’m just not gonna take it as a personal blow to “me” when they do something wrong. It’s not all about me.
Have your kids ever done anything publicly that embarrassed you? Did you take it personally or did you just look at it as an opportunity to show them what’s right? Just a thought.
World’s Greatest Dad (haha),
Jim
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