That’s Right… It’s Silver, Baby!

 Well, yesterday was a special day. A day that most people (early on) thought would never happen. 25 years ago yesterday I married the most beautiful girl in the world. That’s right, 25 years ago! Man… I don’t even know what to say or think. We were young (I was 22, MJ was 18). We were broke. We didn’t have a college education (yet). Neither one of us knew a thing about what it really meant to be a husband or a wife. All we knew is that we were in love and that, in our minds, we wanted to be together forever.

We bought new silver wedding bands to commemorate this great milestone  in our relationship

It was 100 degrees that sunny-hot-humid Georgia afternoon. We got married in my in-law’s back yard because we couldn’t afford a different venue. There were only about 50 people there because we only invited our closest friends and our family. It was actually so hot that day that the record (yep, I said the record- i.e. 33rpm LP) warped on the turntable as it was playing music outside as the wedding processional was taking place. 

I had one of the most ridiculous mullets ever and a flesh-toned mustache that matched the awesomeness of my bad haircut. MJ had one of those big 80’s hairdo’s that girls had back then. You know the one. It was where it was long in the back and then that ‘claw/wave’ looking thing in the front. It had sooooo much hairspray on it that you couldn’t get within 20’ of an open flame or you’d run the risk of spontaneously bursting into flames yourself! Yep, that’s the one: )

I can remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. I was getting ready in the basement of my in-laws house and my father-in-law was there with me. He had already been married 28 years at that point and it seemed like his relationship was pretty strong so I asked him a question. I asked him if he was gonna give me one word of advice to insure that I’d have a good marriage what would it be? And I’ll never forget his response. His advice was- “always give her her way.” I think I may have chuckled a little when he said it, but he wasn’t smiling, he was serious. And then when he could see that I was confused he said it again. “Always give her her way.” I was still trying to discern if he was being sarcastic or if he was just joking around. I didn’t understand so he broke-it-down for me. He said, "always give her her way on the small every day things that really don't matter much and only try and get your way on the big stuff.” Hmmm. That sounded like pretty good advice. So to this day I still try to do that. Not perfectly, of course, but I do try. And I must say, "it’s worked-out pretty good so far”. : )

We faced tremendous adversity throughout the early years of our marriage. Mainly because of my stupidity and selfishness. But God, in His mercy, helped us work through everything that the enemy tried to destroy us with. And when we both really submitted everything to Jesus, that’s when we were able to start seeing some amazing things happen in our relationship and in our lives. 

A lot has happened over the last 25 years, both good and bad. We’ve been blessed with 3 amazing biological children. We lost one child mid-way through a pregnancy back in 95’. We were able to adopt a sibling group of 5 children 6 and a half years ago from Brazil. 

We’ve lived in 3 different states and 2 different countries. We’ve lived in an apartment, a trailer, 3 different duplexes, we rented 3 different houses and we’ve owned 2 different homes. And to top it all off- we got rid of most of our earthly possessions to move here and live in an A-frame in the middle of the jungles of Brazil!

We’ve had the honor of working at 2 amazing churches (RHEMA Bible Church- Broken Arrow, OK and Hope and Life- Snellville, GA) during the first 14 years of our 18 years of full-time ministry. We’ve even had the privilege of serving as lead pastors at the i3C (The International Community Church of Curitiba) for the last year and a half- in English here in Brazil! Who could’ve ever imagined that?

We’ve been able to minister to thousands of children and teenagers here in Brazil over the past 3 years through camps, orphan ministry and ministry in the local favelas. Actually, as I think back over the past 3 years it amazes me that we’re even here, much less ministering effectively to these precious kids.

I can’t believe we’ve been able to make it this far. And I certainly can’t believe we’ve been able to do as much as we’ve been able to do as a couple over the last 25 years. It sounds so cliche’ but “all the glory goes to Him.” We’re so thankful to Him.

Marriage is hard. It takes work and commitment. I’ve tried being married without being totally committed to Jesus and I tried it with being totally committed to Jesus. And let me tell you, “with is better.” lol! So, if someone asked me today, “what's the secret to having a successful marriage?” Well, although I’d incorporate my wise father-in-law’s advice in there somewhere- I’d have to say that the real secret of having a successful marriage would have to be this:

“Give your life totally to Jesus and follow Him wholeheartedly. Don’t hold anything back.”

Because as you do, not only will you be happier and more fulfilled personally but you’ll be able to love your spouse better, you’ll be able to parent better, you’ll be more effective doing whatever it is that you do. 

I love my God and I love my wife. And I’m so grateful that we’ve been able to share all of life’s ups and downs together over the last 25 years. And I’m excited to see what’s in store for us in the future. And, after all these years, I still think she's the most beautiful girl in the world: )

Still Madly, Deeply in Love,

Jim

Death

Having been in full-time ministry for almost 18 years now I’ve had the opportunity to be around death more than I’d like to be. And death always has a way of bringing things into perspective. I’ve had the honor of being bedside as a member of my church family decided to take their mother off life support. And we were able to witness her last breath as she went to be with The Lord. I’ve also had the privilege of being able to preside over the funerals of young and old alike. And one thing is for sure- death is never easy.

Sometimes death is welcomed though. Like when my 98 year old grandfather passed away last year. He was a man of God who was a great example to the whole family and had lived a full life here on this planet. He was bedridden the last year or so of his life and was ready to go be with The Lord (and with his wife- my 94 year old grandmother who passed away the year before). So, when he passed it was not only expected- but it was welcomed.

But then there’s the ‘death’ that comes unexpectedly. Like for my friend Eddie who died 2 years ago. He had just finished working out at the gym, got into his car, turned on the ignition and suddenly died of a heart attack- right there in the parking lot of the gym! He was young and in great shape. He left behind a wife and 3 beautiful daughters. That’s the kind of death that doesn’t make any sense. It happens suddenly and with no warning. And actually the pain and shock of it can still be felt today.

Or when a child dies... that’s the kind of death that never makes any sense and it doesn’t seem fair. My 1 year old niece, Zoe, passed away back in February of 2007. Not only does her death still hurt but the pain can still be felt in our family over 7 years later.

Death. It's just difficult to deal with. It’s something that either has or something that will eventually affect us all. It comes in many forms and in many ways. Sometimes you see it coming- sometimes you don’t. But the fact of the matter is still the same... “it’s coming.” And, the funny thing is (funny ironic- not funny haha) that nobody thinks it’s coming to them. We all think it will happen to somebody else and to their family but not to us. 

But today I’m not thinking about physical death and the pain that accompanies it, no. I’m thinking about a different kind of death. And it’s the death of a church. And, more specifically, it’s the death of our home church back in the States- Crossroads Church of Walton County.

A few days ago on Sunday, July 13, 2014’- it was their last service. The doors of the church officially closed forever. 

Pastor Mike Keaton ministering one Sunday Morning from the Crossroads stage 

The church was well known as a church that loved the people in their community. I was on staff at another church when I first encountered someone from Crossroads. I actually met the pastor, Mike Keaton, (who has over the past 7 years become one of my closest friends) and several other of their members while MJ and I were in Brazil adopting our kids. The church was there on a mission trip and they were staying in the same hotel as us. 

What’s crazy is that, back in the States, Crossroads was meeting at an elementary school only 100 yards away from the entrance to our subdivision, but it took a chance meeting in another country to put us together... go figure. Only God, right? 

After meeting them in Brazil, once we got home, we started seeing them all over town. It seemed like they were always doing something in the community. Everything from wrapping presents for people at Wal-mart for Christmas (for free), to paying for a portion of people’s gas back in 2009’ when the gas prices were so high (I think they paid .25 per gallon towards everyones gas as an outreach to the community), to handing out food each week to the poor in Monroe. They were always doing something. And as far as ministering to orphans... the amount of people in the church that were actively pursuing adoption and that had already adopted was staggering (compared to other churches). And it seemed like everything they were doing as a church was exactly what we had a passion for. 

And, even though we loved doing what we were doing at our current church, Crossroads was our ‘dream church’ because our vision for ministry was more similar to theirs than it was to where we were at (i.e., heavy emphasis on missions and caring for widows, orphans and the poor).

Years later, when MJ and I made the decision to leave our pastoral position at the church we had been at for almost 10 years (for Brazil and the mission field) Pastor Mike and Crossroads were the ones that stepped-up and became our sending/covering church as we left the US. Crossroads was our home base. Crossroads was our Family. We were Crossroads.

Over the last couple of years Crossroads has been in transition as a church though. They grew from one service on Sunday Mornings to two. They moved to a larger venue (The new auditorium at Monroe Area High School). They purchased property to build their own building on. People were coming to Christ- baptisms were happening- the church was growing. They were on the move.

Then, what seemed ‘out of nowhere,’ numbers started to drop and they had to scale back to one service on Sunday Morning. Then a couple years after that there was a significant staff change. And, with that, several key families in leadership left the church. What was going on? There were no sin issues. There was nothing unethical happening.  Their theology hadn’t changed. Their purpose and vision as a church hadn’t changed. So what was going on? What was happening? No one could explain it.

The one thing that sticks out in my mind over the last couple of years though, is what I’ve seen in Mike. And what I’ve seen in him I truly admire. To be riding such a high (in the earlier years of Crossroads) and then to see all the transition that’s taken place over the last couple of years as the church was declining; to see him walk through all the heartache and pain of what was happening and still love God, love the people and love the city... as a pastor it’s inspired me. It’s shown me what a true pastor looks like. Because anyone else would’ve just given up. But Mike didn’t. He kept pressing forward, as difficult as it was, and he kept fighting. Thank you Mike and Angie for the example you’ve been to Me and MJ over the last several years.

The sad thing is that no church will last forever. That’s right, you heard me correctly. No church will last forever. Think about it before you judge me. Now I’m not talking about ‘the real Church’ (aka the body of Christ) because us, ‘the real Church’ will last forever. No, I’m talking about a local church body and the physical building where they meet. 

If you think I’m wrong, then tell me where you can find a church that’s 2,000 years old (that’s how long christianity and the first churches ever planted have been around). Give me on example of one that’s still meeting in the same building and thriving? Heck, give me one that’s still meeting in the same city! I mean, look at all the churches that Paul planted. None of them are still there- none of them, right? 

What about in America? Give me an example of a church that’s 238 years old (that’s how old we are as a nation). We were founded as one nation under God and with christian values. There were churches planted in the beginning, right? So try to think of one church that’s still there (and not just some type of historical landmark) with an actual congregation of people and that are still actively proclaiming the Gospel? Can you think of any? No, of course you can’t. So that’s why I can say that no ‘one church’ will last forever. 

Things happen. War, natural disasters, economies collapse, people move, climates change, alien invasions, zombie apocalypses... well, maybe not the last two, haha. But all the others happen, right? We live in an ever changing world and nobody knows what the future holds. I think about all the churches that were lost when Katrina hit the Gulf Coast in August of 2005. Some of them never rebuilt. But I bet if you spoke with them a few weeks before the storm they would’ve never even imagined not being there today.

The problem is (just like with natural death) nobody thinks death will happen to them and their church. It’s like we think that just because our church is thriving today- that it’ll be thriving 20, 30, 50, 100 years from now. But the truth of the matter is that it most likely won’t. 

And, just like when an infant or a child dies, the same thing rings true of a young church closing it’s doors (dying)- it doesn’t seem right or fair. But bottom line is this... God is still sovereign over all and not only does He see but He knows. 

He knows what the future holds and He controls it all. Does it still sting? Yes, absolutely. Does it still hurt? Yes, of course it does. Do we understand? Well, unfortunately we don’t and maybe we never will. But we still persevere. And most importantly we still trust Him in the midst of all the uncertainty. 

So what do we do as pastors and as church members since our churches will all die one day? Do we give up and throw in the towel? I mean, since death is on the horizon, what’s the use? Well, just as our physical bodies are dying and we don’t just give up but we take care of ourselves and try to live in a way that prolongs our lives on this planet; we do the same with our churches. We steward them the best way that we can. We try to proclaim the Gospel and live in a way that honors and glorifies Christ- trying to grow our congregations as best we can. But we leave the lifespan of our church up to God. It’s His church and only He can control the true longevity of it. It all belongs to Him.

So just as it was just on that sunny day back in 2009’ when I stood beside the bed of that sweet lady who had been on life support for several months. After a lot of tears and a lot of prayer- the family made the decision to remove her from the machines that were keeping her alive. And after the equipment was removed- within a few minutes she was gone. 

Well, it was the same this past Sunday. After a lot of tears and a lot of prayer, the decision was made by Pastor Mike and the Elders of Crossroads Church of Walton County to ‘remove the church from life support’ and close the final chapter on what was once a thriving church. A church that has not only left a permanent mark on Monroe and Walton County, but one that has forever left a mark on Me, MJ and our entire family. You will be missed and you will always be a part of our lives. We love you.

Passionately Following Jesus,

Jim and MJ