Well, yesterday was a special day. A day that most people (early on) thought would never happen. 25 years ago yesterday I married the most beautiful girl in the world. That’s right, 25 years ago! Man… I don’t even know what to say or think. We were young (I was 22, MJ was 18). We were broke. We didn’t have a college education (yet). Neither one of us knew a thing about what it really meant to be a husband or a wife. All we knew is that we were in love and that, in our minds, we wanted to be together forever.
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| We bought new silver wedding bands to commemorate this great milestone in our relationship |
It was 100 degrees that sunny-hot-humid Georgia afternoon. We got married in my in-law’s back yard because we couldn’t afford a different venue. There were only about 50 people there because we only invited our closest friends and our family. It was actually so hot that day that the record (yep, I said the record- i.e. 33rpm LP) warped on the turntable as it was playing music outside as the wedding processional was taking place.
I had one of the most ridiculous mullets ever and a flesh-toned mustache that matched the awesomeness of my bad haircut. MJ had one of those big 80’s hairdo’s that girls had back then. You know the one. It was where it was long in the back and then that ‘claw/wave’ looking thing in the front. It had sooooo much hairspray on it that you couldn’t get within 20’ of an open flame or you’d run the risk of spontaneously bursting into flames yourself! Yep, that’s the one: )
I can remember our wedding day like it was yesterday. I was getting ready in the basement of my in-laws house and my father-in-law was there with me. He had already been married 28 years at that point and it seemed like his relationship was pretty strong so I asked him a question. I asked him if he was gonna give me one word of advice to insure that I’d have a good marriage what would it be? And I’ll never forget his response. His advice was- “always give her her way.” I think I may have chuckled a little when he said it, but he wasn’t smiling, he was serious. And then when he could see that I was confused he said it again. “Always give her her way.” I was still trying to discern if he was being sarcastic or if he was just joking around. I didn’t understand so he broke-it-down for me. He said, "always give her her way on the small every day things that really don't matter much and only try and get your way on the big stuff.” Hmmm. That sounded like pretty good advice. So to this day I still try to do that. Not perfectly, of course, but I do try. And I must say, "it’s worked-out pretty good so far”. : )
We faced tremendous adversity throughout the early years of our marriage. Mainly because of my stupidity and selfishness. But God, in His mercy, helped us work through everything that the enemy tried to destroy us with. And when we both really submitted everything to Jesus, that’s when we were able to start seeing some amazing things happen in our relationship and in our lives.
A lot has happened over the last 25 years, both good and bad. We’ve been blessed with 3 amazing biological children. We lost one child mid-way through a pregnancy back in 95’. We were able to adopt a sibling group of 5 children 6 and a half years ago from Brazil.
We’ve lived in 3 different states and 2 different countries. We’ve lived in an apartment, a trailer, 3 different duplexes, we rented 3 different houses and we’ve owned 2 different homes. And to top it all off- we got rid of most of our earthly possessions to move here and live in an A-frame in the middle of the jungles of Brazil!
We’ve had the honor of working at 2 amazing churches (RHEMA Bible Church- Broken Arrow, OK and Hope and Life- Snellville, GA) during the first 14 years of our 18 years of full-time ministry. We’ve even had the privilege of serving as lead pastors at the i3C (The International Community Church of Curitiba) for the last year and a half- in English here in Brazil! Who could’ve ever imagined that?
We’ve been able to minister to thousands of children and teenagers here in Brazil over the past 3 years through camps, orphan ministry and ministry in the local favelas. Actually, as I think back over the past 3 years it amazes me that we’re even here, much less ministering effectively to these precious kids.
I can’t believe we’ve been able to make it this far. And I certainly can’t believe we’ve been able to do as much as we’ve been able to do as a couple over the last 25 years. It sounds so cliche’ but “all the glory goes to Him.” We’re so thankful to Him.
Marriage is hard. It takes work and commitment. I’ve tried being married without being totally committed to Jesus and I tried it with being totally committed to Jesus. And let me tell you, “with is better.” lol! So, if someone asked me today, “what's the secret to having a successful marriage?” Well, although I’d incorporate my wise father-in-law’s advice in there somewhere- I’d have to say that the real secret of having a successful marriage would have to be this:
“Give your life totally to Jesus and follow Him wholeheartedly. Don’t hold anything back.”
Because as you do, not only will you be happier and more fulfilled personally but you’ll be able to love your spouse better, you’ll be able to parent better, you’ll be more effective doing whatever it is that you do.
I love my God and I love my wife. And I’m so grateful that we’ve been able to share all of life’s ups and downs together over the last 25 years. And I’m excited to see what’s in store for us in the future. And, after all these years, I still think she's the most beautiful girl in the world: )
Still Madly, Deeply in Love,
Jim
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