Breaking the Silence

Not the clearest photo but this is how bright the moon was the other night driving through town.
The clouds were resting over the tops of the mountains. Beautiful.
If it weren't for the big ugly tower in the foreground it would have been a great picture: )

It’s been a while since we’ve posted a blog, I know. To be quite honest with you I haven't  known what to say. You see, the last several months have been some of the most difficult months that we’ve faced since coming to Brazil. I know that that may be hard to believe, looking back on all the drama that we’ve faced since coming to the mission field back in 2011,’ but it’s true. 

But this time the issue hasn't been all the snakes, spiders, pit bull/mountain lion/porcupine attacks, water/power outages, mudslides, flooding, murders or break-in’s- although most of those things are still a part of where we live. No, the thing that’s been our greatest enemy here recently has been discouragement. 

And to say that we’ve been battling depression would be an understatement as well. I know that doesn't sound ‘super spiritual or missionary-like’ and usually people don’t like to admit that it’s something that they struggle with. But I really felt like I needed to produce some type of blog to update our supporters and friends back home in the States of where we really are right now. 

So, rather than trying to muster up some type of blog that just showed what ministry was happening (which all the usual ministry stuff is still going on) I believe that being open with you about how we’re doing mentally and emotionally would be better. Because we need help. We need breakthrough.

We really thought that moving closer to town was going to be the key to helping us in sustaining ministry here in Brazil and that it was going to be the thing that helped us not feel so tired and burnt out all the time- but we were wrong. It’s still extremely difficult.

And if all the ‘natural and spiritual' things we’ve been battling, while trying to minister here weren't enough, we’re still having major issues with our adopted kids.  Back on March 5, we celebrated 9 years of having adopted a sibling group of 5 children from Brazil. We’ve been through so many ups and downs over the last 9 years that it would be too lengthy of a blog to even begin to try and explain just a fraction of what we’ve been through. 

Here's some pictures of the kids back in 2008,' when they became ours, side by side with how they look today.

We’ve definitely experienced a cornucopia of emotions that’s for sure. Joy and drama, heartache and happiness, pleasure and pain. But, to be honest with you, the majority of what we’ve experienced has been negative. That’s right- negative.

When we first adopted I think we romanticised what we were doing by thinking that as soon as we adopted our kids, that all of their past hurts, scars and insecurities would somehow be erased by us showing them unconditional love and by giving them the stability of a family. Man, how wrong we were.

First, they totally destroyed our home and almost all of our earthly possessions within the first year. They broke all of the toys that were bought for them and they totally trashed all their clothes, shoes, their bedroom furniture and anything they could get their hands on- it was crazy. And still, after 9 years, it’s still the same. 

After all these years they still display everything from ’food issues’ to behaviour that’s sometimes even criminal in nature. I don’t want to 'throw them under the bus’ so I’m not gonna say exactly everything that they do but trust me- it’s not good. And as a parent it makes you feel helpless.

If you remember back in July of 2012 Marlon, our oldest adopted son who's 20 now, left home and has been gone ever since. He didn't like rules or being told what to do so he decided to leave. We still have contact with him every now and then (actually I just  payed for him to take some type of course for a job this week) but our relationship is nothing like we thought it would be when we adopted him. 

And just 2 weeks ago Ana (our 17 year old adopted daughter) decided to follow in Marlon’s footsteps by leaving home because she didn’t like rules either. Even after seeing the struggles Marlon has had (finacially, with the police, etc.) she still wanted to go… it’s crazy.

And, her leaving, happened just 3 days after we found out that Robert (our youngest adopted child- he’s 11) vandalised the church with 2 other boys after service one Sunday. I found this out as I had to sit with the head IT guy at the church and watch the security tape footage that recorded it all! 

On Tuesday we were called to the school to meet with the principal and some other staff members (for the 2nd time in a month) only to be told how Robert is the most difficult  student that they have enrolled in their school during the afternoon session.That’s right, out of several hundreds of students from Middle School- High School he’s the worst in the afternoon! He’s been bullying kids, cussing at the teachers and has been to the principal’s office almost every day because of misbehaviour. And he’s only 11 years old! It’s overwhelming: (

So why am I telling you all of this? First of all, because we desperately need your prayers. We need God to speak to us and show us what He wants us to do because we’re at the end of our rope. Now, I can hear someone say, “well if you're at the end of your rope- just tie a knot and hang on brother.” Well that’s a catchy saying but after 9 years of hanging on to the knot, "we’re done.” We’ve done the best that we can and it’s only by the grace of God that we’ve made it this far. But enough is enough.  Now, that may shock or even offend some people. But I assure you that my intention for writing this isn't for either of those reasons. 

Because that brings me to the second reason that I felt I needed to write this blog… I know that there are so many other people out there, that are in the same situation as us. And you need to know that you're not alone and what you're experiencing isn't an isolated experience at all- but rather one that’s more commonplace than you'd think. 

Out of all the people that we know that have adopted/fostered children- I’d say that easily 90% of them have had some major issues with their kids. Actually, I’d say that the percentage was probably higher but I don’t want to exaggerate this so I’ll just stick with 90%. Bottom line- it’s difficult and it’s challenging. And the problem with that is that we’re made to feel like we can’t openly discuss the fact that we sometimes feel like we’re drowning and that we feel hopeless in our situations.

As an adoptive or foster parent the first thing that comes to your mind (when you face these issues) is that you're a failure. I mean, why would they be struggling with these issues 9 years after you made them your own unless there was some type of deficiency in your parenting, right? Wrong.

The problems our kids have were created in them way before we were even in the picture. And all we can do is love, support and try and get them the help that they need. We need to guide them the best that we can and, most importantly, point them toward the cross of Christ. But we can’t make them change or do whatever it is we want them to do- ultimately the decision is theirs.

That’s why we need to better educate ourselves and we need to surround ourselves with people who will help support us as we try and navigate through this crazy thing called adoption. 

My philosophy about ministry, and especially ministry to orphans, has not only evolved over the last 9 years but it's totally changed. What I use to think isn’t the same as in the beginning- that’s for sure. That’s why there needs to be more dialogue and education about what we’re doing.

There are probably going to be some major changes at the Dunn house because of what is happening right now. So, please pray for us. Seriously. Pray. 

Some friends of our took us on an overnight trip to the beach a few weeks ago to help us find some relief.
It sure was nice stepping away from the stress. Thanks Patrick and Iara: )

We Love You Guys!

Jim and MJ