I use to think that I was doing pretty good as a man, as a husband, as a father and as a follower of Jesus. But the longer I live and the closer I get to The Lord the more I see how messed-up I really am. It’s pretty frustrating, actually.
You’d think that the longer someone's a christian (and truly following Jesus) that all their faults would dissipate more and more as time went on. But mine seem to be growing more and more with each passing day! It’s crazy.
If I can be brutally honest with you- when I look at myself and all of my sinfulness I get so discouraged. I don’t want to be like I am. The pride, the ‘being easily agitated', the anger, the frustration, the grouchiness when things don't go my way, the snarky sarcasm I use as humour when in reality it’s usually just a covert way of making fun of someone or something. It’s like, “am I even saved, really?”
I can remember when I use to think I was doing really good because I didn't do all the things I did before I gave my life to Jesus. I mean- I didn’t cuss or drink anymore. I didn't smoke or get high. I didn't look at inappropriate stuff on the internet like so many other people were struggling with. I was faithful to my wife and loved my kids. I didn’t even listen to secular music and would turn off a movie in a second if something bad was on it. Because "I ain’t playin’ man.” Pretty holy, huh? But wait... it gets better.
I read my Bible every day. I prayed. And don’t even get me started on ministry stuff… all the years of service in the local church, moving to the foreign mission field and even adopting a bunch of kids 8 years ago. Man, I always felt like I was doing really good.
But now, as I look at who I am inside (at the part that people can’t see) I get really discouraged. I’ve got such a long way to go. The emotions that flow through my mind and the attitudes that I wrestle with on a daily basis… where do these things even come from!?
I don’t want to be like this. This is worse than I thought.
But here’s the thing- that’s where the Gospel comes in. The Gospel wasn't just something that I heard a long time ago that ‘got me saved’ it’s something that also ‘keeps me saved.’
As we walk with The Lord and we allow the Holy Spirit to work in our lives we’re being sanctified daily. And as we allow God to show us our imperfections and weaknesses it causes a dependance on Him and His grace that’s actually a good thing.
Because the closer we get to Christ and see His perfection, the more it magnifies and allows us to see our imperfections. That’s what suppose to happen. We will never be perfect (even though we’re suppose to strive for perfection- Matt. 5:48) until we get to Heaven and Death, Hades, Sin and the devil are forever done away with (Rev. 20).
And if we ever get to the point, in this life, where we think we’re doing ok and we think that there are no areas in our lives that need improvement- we’re just deceiving ourselves. There are always areas of sinfulness and areas that need to be submitted to Him (I John 1:10).
But, as we walk in the Light, we’re given the promise that we can have fellowship with Him and that His blood will cleanse us. And if we confess our sins (after we recognize that we actually have them) we’re promised that He will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:5-2:2).
That’s why I’m so thankful for what tomorrow represents (Good Friday). It represents the day that, in spite of us, Salvation was provided for us. It represents the day that God gave us a way back to Him. And it’s the one and only thing that keeps us righteous and justified before Him. It’s not all the things we do or don’t do- it’s about what He did on His cross.
So, even though I’m worse than I thought I was it’s ok. Because now, more than ever, I’m trusting in Him and relying on Him and not all my good deeds and the things that I think I’m doing right.
Have a great Good Friday and a blessed Resurrection Weekend!
Love Ya!
Jim, MJ and the Whole Dunn Family
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